I am not good at change.

I am not good at change. I have had a lot of change happen to me in a very short time span in this last year. The glamour of weight loss is starting to wear off and I am left a little broken. Suddenly finding yourself with the body that you dreamed of (not really, but close enough - I had more realistic expectations) leaves you with a very strong "what now" feeling and that is when you suddenly figure out that weight loss does not solve all your problems.

I stood in front of the mirror this morning staring at this body that I feel like an imposter in. I feel like a fraud. One day I will wake up and the owner of this body will want it back and I will go back to the old me, the real me. The me my brain thinks I deserve. The invisible me. That little voice in your head, the one who likes to voice your self-doubts, doesn't like me at all. She never has. I am not friends with the nasty self-hating voice in my head. She has been working on trying to ruin my life since I was old enough to understand her. And today I find myself wondering why I give her so much power.

I had a friend like her once, someone who liked to tell me how I was screwing up, how I was not good enough. I also let this friend do this, she stuck around for eight years while I just ALLOWED her do this to me, because: sometimes it was really good. But I'm starting to realise that I deserve better than this. The friend eventually went her own way, I would love to say I stood up for myself and stopped letting her break me down, but I did not. But maybe I need to do that with the "little friend" in my head. It's time I broke up with my self-doubt.

Why do I let this voice, Arianna Huffington calls it the "obnoxious roommate",  constantly knock me down. We are being knocked down by others all the time, why do we do it to ourselves? I constantly say that we have to be our own cheerleaders, but it's harder to put it into actual practice.

I have been trying to figure out how to ignore my self-doubt. Learning techniques to block out the negativity, and a surprising thing happened: I've discovered that I tend to let other people treat me badly because of this little voice. So, 2017 is the year that I try to surround myself with people who build me up rather than break me down. It's a good first step.

How do you ignore your "little voice"?

Tags: Diabetes Life Body Dysmorphia PCOS

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